25.06.08 Are you a budding GFC Gladiator? - Bart Ruspoli

Gorky’s are looking for a new Left Sided defender that can also play in Midfield to replace the outgoing John Lally, who will be transferring to Milan come end of the year.

A basic level of talent is required. You will be asked to prove your skill on the pitch.

Other requirements are:

1) You will be asked to “Get Ink”. This will involve a tattoo reading GFC in Times New Roman 36 point font. Bold. The tattoo will be inscribed by Ben Davies. Please note that Ben has no formal training as a tattoo artist whatsoever.

2) To prove your adeptness at the GFC lifestyle you will be asked to abide by the same diet as Ben Davies for the 2 weeks prior to your Skills test on the pitch. Please be advised that all doctors that have been consulted on this initiation rite have been unanimous in their replies. “Why not ask them to swim naked in a cesspit with their mouths open while your at it?”

3) You will be required to take smoking training from James Healy. Breathing is the core of running and running the core of football and football the core of Gorkys.

4) Shave Will Villiers’s body. This is necessary as GFC takes personal hygiene very seriously. This is a 6 months sabbatical

5) Master the Ruspoli stepover as a requirement of your basic skill training. This will take several weeks to master, but once mastered will take merely days to complete. Group harmony is important. This way you can take the piss out of him along with everybody else and not feel left out.

6) Go on the pull with Ben Harding and Marwan Bateh and learn from their mistakes. Please be advised this will not result in sex of any kind except for that with Mrs Palm and her five daughters.

7) Gaze at Rob Bladen’s lips for 30 minutes without laughing. Especially important when playing Broomwood Rovers. You cant laugh at the opposition, it’s demeaning to them and us, especially if we lose.

8) Master the art of timekeeping with Shane Taylor. A late GFC is a true GFC.

All applicants please email the webmaster.

 

 
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